Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Unspoken

Emotional. That's best explain now.
Actually, I have so much in my mind.
I wish it just can flew away right to you through the blowing wind.
Since that day, I have so much regrets that keeps smothering me.
Wish I never said that. Oh, why the hell am I so stupid saying something that I didn't meant to say.
Really, it's bothering me until now. Aku tak tahu nak luahkan kat sape, since no one understands.
So, aku hanya mampu meluahkan di blog ni je. Rasanya teramat sakit tahan semua ni..
Yes, tak de sape boleh faham camne rasanya, I can't even express it with words! But really, it hurts a lot.
Maybe it's true some people said.. Hearts are often broken with words being left unspoken.
Dan aku rasa mesti korang fikir kenapa aku tak cakap direct je kepada si dia yg aku maksudkan?
Susah2 je meroyan sorang2 kat blog ni kan?
Aku memang nak buat camtu, tapi.. Aku tak de peluang. 
Dan aku tak pasti dia nak dengar penjelasan aku lagi lepas aku dah sakitkan hati dia.
Eh, ye ke? Aku tak pasti apa yg dia rasa, sebab dia tak bagi apa2 respon. Sakitttttt....
Aku mengaku yang aku ni ego, susah nak luahkan apa yg aku rasa. 
But really, all I wanna say is..
From the bottom of my heart, I'm so sorry. :(
I know, this pointless sebab dia takkan baca pun entry ni.
Tapi aku cuma nak meluahkan, arghhhh.
Boleh jadi gila camni..I can't stop thinking about it day & night.
Everything shouldn't end up just like this. I shouldn't say so. 
Senang2 je aku da rosakkan hubungan kita yg tak tahu apa status ni. Puihh -,-
We're not friends, We're not strangers. But in between. 
Like I said, I don't care if you don't love me because I know you're in love with someone else.
I just want you to know that I...
I'm sorry I didn't meant to fall in love with you and makes everything being so complicated.
I should just keep it inside, instead saying it to you.
But it hurtssssssss... a lottttttt....
Sakit sangat!! Lagi sakit dari kena pukul kot.
Sometimes I wonder if I really falling in love.
cause I never experienced anything like this before. 
I'm dying a little each day and day...
I'm very tired of not knowing anything, and how u feel about me?
If you hate me, just say so lah! So senang aku nak bencikan kau jugak!!
If only I could hate you..
You just leave me hanging on without any explanation.
Aku dah cuba berfikir logik, sedalam2nya sampai ke dasar lautan yg paling dalam..
Tapi aku tak dapat fikir kenapa????
Why oh why? Answer me la.....
I can't decode his thoughts.
Please give an ending to this story.
I'm begging you, don't just walk away and pretending everything's ok 
while I'm here thinking about it like crazy.
I'd tell myself it's time now, gotta let go.
But moving on from you is impossible,
When I still see it all in my head..
How do I say that I need to move on? 
I know you just don't care. But please say something at least.
Hope we could still be friends at least or whatever you wanted to.
I just want it back the way it was before. 
Other than that, I don't care.
Please, please, please. I am so tired. 

And those songs that makes my brain and heart fighting inside, 
Berperang dengan perasaan ego yg menyakitkan diri sendiri.

Avril Lavigne - Take Me Away
Avril Lavigne - Fall To Pieces
Avril Lavigne - Why
Alex Clare - Too Close
Boys Like Girls - Thunder
Taylor Swift - Red
Sara Bareilles - Gravity
Sara Bareilles - Gonna Get Over You
Sara Bareilles - Between The Lines
Once Mekel - Hilang Naluri
Colbie Caillat - The Little Things
Colbie Caillat - I Never Told You
Christina Perri - A Thousand Years
Christina Perri - Arms
Christina Perri feat. Jason Mraz - Distance
Carly Rae Jepsen - Curiosity
Carly Rae Jepsen Feat. Justin Bieber - Beautiful
Carly Rae Jepsen ft. Josh Ramsay - Sour Candy
Hey Monday - Homecoming
Karmin - Brokenhearted
The Pussycat Dolls - Tainted Love
Megan Nicole and Dave Days - Payphone
Evanescence - Lithium
Demi Lovato - Don't Forget
Shontelle - Say Hello To Goodbye
Yui - Love And Truth
Yui - Good-bye Days
Tommy Heavenly6 - Fell in Love With You
One Direction - One Thing
Michelle Branch - Breathe
Michelle Branch - Are You Happy Now
Natasha Bedingfield - Single
Natasha Bedingfield - These Words
John Mayer - Half Of My Heart
Wanna - Lepaskan
The Veronicas - Lolita
The Veronicas - Untouched
Peterpan - Ada Apa Denganmu
The Script - Breakeven

Too many songs that keeps bothering my thoughts & drowning me.
But I just couldn't stop listening to these songs.. Hurm.
Now I'm trying my best not to care about him much and distance myself from him as far I can.
I don't want to, but I have to. It's for the best.
Of course, there's so many thoughts I want to write. 
Tapi ni je yg aku mampu katakan. And it makes me feel better.
Btw, Selamat mendengar & feeling with the listed songs above.
Bye~

p/s : Please take good care of yourself.